Nex Benedict should still be alive. My heart hurts and this is hitting so close to home.

I have been trying to write this for days, and at times I questioned whether there was a need for more lessons out of Nex Benedicts’ passing. Should I be speaking? The answer was a loud “yes.” I had shared to my Instagram Stories when the sad news had first broke, before all the disgusting details were out and the amount of private messages I received, was enough to push me. I have also discussed this with my enby before sharing because this is so close to home. They knew what I was thinking before I even said it.

So with all that, I still feel it needs to be said, TRIGGER WARNING – Violence, Death, and Transphobic, and Homophobic topics ahead.

Just in case you haven’t heard yet about this, Nex Benedict, a nonbinary 16-year-old, straight A-student at Owasso High School (Oklahoma) has passed. There was a constant stream of bullying, but on Feb. 7th Nex, being forced to use the Female Restroom at school was jumped by 3 older female students. They, Nex suffered severe head injuries and scratches. A teacher did break it up, but no medical attention was called, even with them unable to walk themself to the school’s nurse’s office. No ambulance. No nothing, just a call for Grandma to pick them up. Sadly, they passed on Feb. 8th due to injuries. Medical attention the family had sought was unfortunately too late. This could have been prevented, and Nex could still be alive today.

Why did I make sure to mention the altercation that happened in the “Female Restroom”? A little background information on their school and what is happening in Oklahoma. Oklahoma being a conservative state makes specifically LGBTQ+ issues a high target. Recently there was a bill signed by Governor Kevin Stitt requiring students to use their assigned at birth gender restrooms. In 2022 a queer teacher at Owasso School District became a target by Libs of TikTok and ended up resigning. Just read of Shane Murnan, you will get a clear picture of how the hate is being spread, the threats, and dangers. On top of that, Libs of TikTok founder Chaya Raichik was appointed to the Oklahoma Library Media Advisory Committee. She claimed she will “make schools safer” by removing LGBTQ-inclusive books. 

Owasso had a history of not protecting their queer community, especially the children. No protections and a constant stream of hate being targeted at the LGBTQ+ community cost this child their life. Bullying doesn’t come out of nowhere, these things are learned. And it was clear to see where Nex’s bullies had learned from and sadly, there was no protection for Nex.

When you make specific at-risk demographics of people and children targets for your political gain there is a cost! And our children pay for it.

I have to say, I am fortunate to live in a more LGBTQ+ protected state, but there are still very conservative pockets in California, heck even in San Diego. And this targeting happens here as well. Upon hearing of the news I immediately couldn’t help but to put myself in that child’s mother’s shoes. That easily could have been my child.

Back in early fall 2022, my enby had been grabbed and an attempted attack on them. They had been at the school’s restroom/locker rooms, about to enter when grabbed by their bag. My kiddo was able to get out of hands and close the door to the only non-gendered spot. Banging continued, but eventually, some staff would arrive and the students would leave, but my mind couldn’t help but flash to what if they didn’t? What if they couldn’t get into a safe spot? Could this have been their fate? Every day since hearing about Nex’s passing, I think about how lucky we were. Even seeing Nex’s pictures makes me pause. This kid looks like any of my kiddo’s friends. It could be any one of them. My heart is breaking!

I know I am not alone as a parent of an enby or queer kiddo worrying over this. Flashing back to all their kid’s bullies and incidents. These are the things that keep us up at night. When people keep asking me why I worry about what I worry about, why we’re so focused on identity protections, “Kids should just be kids, they shouldn’t have to worry about this stuff” “…it’s no big deal, we had bullying in my day’….etc, this is why. We are paying attention to what matters. It’s a dominion effect and we know where it all leads. Our kids are targets, are political pawns, and their lives are at risk.

There are currently over 437 anti-LGBTQ bills being pushed in the United States as of today, Feb. 21st, 2024 and there are no signs of slowing. These bills have real-life consequences. “44% of homicides of transgender and gender-expansive people occurred in the South.” – Human Rights Campaign via Everytown data. You see where tolerance and acceptance isn’t being taught there are clear parallels. If you don’t see it, it’s because you are choosing to turn a blind eye to it. Be an ally! Advocate for them. Fight for them! We can’t let this continue. Kids need to see adults setting an example of love and tolerance not this level of hatred and targeting. Bullies only learn from bigger bullies.

If you aren’t voting to protect the rights of the LGBTQ+ community, you aren’t voting for the safety of these kids and that’s just real-world facts.

RIP Nex, and you are more than your death. I’m sorry that your story is being shared as a cautionary lesson for the rest of the community. You, Matthew Shepard, and countless others deserved so much more.

Nex should still be alive. Their family has set up a GoFundMe if you are interested in donating. *But note, Nex’s birth name and wrong pronouns are used, though Sue Benedict said she will be correcting.