Yesterday, I fell down a rabbit hole.
I had been enjoying Tik Tok (I know too “old” for that app…but whatever). I came across some Star Wars cosplayers, Ash and Bryan I have met last year at San Diego Comic-Con. Remembered the compliment on my “Hannah” Solo Cosplay and how they told me to watch their YouTube video because they had planned on including me in their post-event video. And here I am a year later and just remembering to do that. Though, I actually had an excuse. I had completely forgotten their names. (Sorry, I have a terrible memory when it comes to names and at that moment, I had a mini-Grievous & Hermione with me, so I blanked.) Well, here I was and there was a link, so why not?

I click, I scroll, and sure enough, I see one Star Wars Day at SDCC video. Click again and decide to watch it. I’m laughing and enjoying spotting out many other friends. Cosplay community of SD is small, even smaller with the Star Wars tie-in.

Skip ahead a bit and they mention badges, having badges out and ready.

This, this is the moment I start to feel my eyes water up. Very unexpected.

It’s kind of a joke. If any of you have been to SDCC in recent years you’ve learned how the badges have become your everything for that week! Like forgetting to tap it on this little poster advertisement every time you walk in or out a door can make a HUGE difference on your day. And this certain spot is one of my most frequent badge check spots. No tap, just check, because it’s already indoors, but right before the mecca, MAIN FLOOR. This is the bottom of the set of escalators and elevator directly across from my Club’s annual booth spot.

As my eyes are tearing up, I’m laughing and nodding in agreement with the memories of that spot and those badges.

I feel dumb. Why are my tears filling? It’s just badge waving.

They look at Sideshow’s booth and some other toys, I remember being there and making about the same comments to my partner. This is where I figure out why I’m suddenly moisture-filled.

I miss SDCC!!!! It wouldn’t have even happened yet! But, I miss it.

It’s a life that is so weird and hard to explain. It is like taking a vacation in a different world for a different week. Everyone knows the sets of rules for this foreign world. We all generally speak the same language. Our experiences are shared. It is just that one special week out of a year we all get to completely immerse ourselves in this little nerdy cult lifestyle. It’s a happy bubble away from every other pressure and politics of the world. It’s our own little crazy colorful happy community. There is nothing else like it. Nothing. Everyone leaves exhausted and broke, and in need of a vacation from the “vacation” but already excited to plan for the following year.

We’ve made some of our most near and dear life long friendships through this experience. Memories I wouldn’t trade for the world! This is why I am tearing up. This year, won’t have that. Honestly, I am tearing up just typing that. I think I hit the nerve, the trigger.

The realization! The cancellation of Comic-Con isn’t the issue of missing out on all the crazy free swag (don’t get me wrong, that is still missed), but at least Comic-Con has figured out an online way. It won’t be the booth hopping and the panels, the same way, but hey, I’ll take the online option over nothing any day! But, it is going to be that Human Experience aspect. We won’t have these memories as a time marker to reflect upon, just a Corona Virus sized hole to look back on.

I am surprised to catch myself so emotional! Like, I am really into the online aspect and even trying to help my group with our part in it, I just really didn’t think or notice the other parts of Con that lied under the surface and I’m sure many of us are in the same spot. So I’m writing to say it’s okay to grieve a bit for what we are missing. It’s healthy. It’s normal and you aren’t the only one…I am still super happy there will be an online aspect and that information will be shared to the blog soon enough…BUT. I think because of the online “2020 Consolation Prize”.

PLEASE, tell me some of you are feeling this way too!!!?
…or maybe, I’m the only one?? Lol.

Oh well, 2020.

Now to come up with my online SDCC itinerary and stalk the Artist Alley list. See you all online in the meantime. Level up that cosplay for 2021 my friends. 😉

In the meantime, share with me an SDCC memory or something from the online line up you’ve seen so far that is getting you excited!
(Cheer up this sad nerd’s soul.)