I really suck at random acts of kindness. And when I say, suck, I really suck! But, I vow, I won’t let it stop me from trying!
…even if I’ve had a few hiccup moments in the past.

You know how they say “No good deed goes unpunished”? I think that has become my theme and possibly unwanted motto. Ha! But, it’s ok, it really is and for whatever reason, this will never teach me a lesson to not try.

I’m pretty sure I can fill up this post with many examples, big and small, but these will be enough:

Years ago, there was a homeless man outside Panera Bread. Definitely, not the cheapest place, and I’ll admit at that point in life (still married to the ex) I didn’t really have funds but I was meeting friends for morning coffee before running to work and I just couldn’t ignore his request for just some food. So, I did my best, the most bang for the buck. I was like I can get a bagel, a cup of fruit and water. That should be good and portable. (Sounds reasonable in my brain.)

_{[…Maybe, I should add, I’m an ex vegetarian and live in California, so my choices, well,…those were my choices.]}

I got the food and ran it out to him before he moved on. He grabs it all and looks me in my face and says, “I’m more a Meat And Potatoes Guy….”

I’m actually kind of in shock. I apologize. Try to make up with my poor choices, and gave him information for my church’s food bank (they have homeless packages to, no need to fridge and all that). Even though I would have given that information even if I didn’t flub the purchase.

As a result, I walked away with my head down just trying to process the meh. I pounder how much trouble I will be in with the ex for spending that money and worry that I didn’t actually help that gentleman.

It kind of ate me up. I was actually too poor to actually go back and get anything else if that was his goal. But man! Not sure if he ever ate it or just tossed it. I tried to just tell myself at least you tried and gave him some more resources if he was in need, even if the food wasn’t enough. It was something.

Did you know a smile or even a compliment is considered a “Random Act of Kindness”? Well, it is! And, I definitely do these the most. Compliments are great! If you see something awesome, share it! Let that person know!

Normally, it’s not weird or an issue.

Maybe I should explain this bit see, I have this thing for dogs, especially pugs. My “first child” was a pug. Well, the partner and I are on a trip to Banff, Canada. We were walking around a shop corner and see the CUTEST little black pug (reminds me of my old baby). I get all excited! And, I do what any normal dog-loving person would do, I gave the pup and owner a compliment…and let me tell you if looks could kill!!

How dare I talk to them!? Suddenly that pug’s owner ever in the biggest hurry to get away from me! Like I was going to steal their dog or something! I tried to quickly apologize. I began to explain, “just excited because your dog reminds me of my old one…” No use. I’m a crazy lady…and I didn’t even get to pet the doggo!!! 🙁

And here I am today, again… knee deep in a “Well, Crap, I tried.”

About a week ago this kiddo reaches out to me on Instagram. I have a rough idea of age, based upon their choice of IG Avatar Image (same thing my kid would probably choose). She’s asking about giveaways. Originally, assuming because I was posting other people’s Giveaways via IG Stories at that moment. I realize she must have seen my “Pride Giveaway”, thanks to hashtags. I peek at her IG Profile. Her Bio just says “I need a pride flag”.

I think well, why not!? That’s easy enough. I say, “Are you needing a Flag?” (Though I know what I read with a barely any investigating.) She responds with a hopeful yes.

Sigh, my mom heartstrings.
I totally need to do this.

What’s the worse, $10 Amazon? How can I not? …Quick thought, be the mom in their shoes…or what if unaccepting parents??? Just to be safe I ask the very important, “Are your parents okay with it?”

_{[This is where I should have been, “let me confirm with your parents.”]}

They say their “parents are ok.” I took their word for it, especially based on their profile, I assumed their parents knew. This kid appeared out. Even their request was front and center! Low and behold they have an address that definitely makes me nervous. Their state is not exactly somewhere that comes to mind for tolerance, not trying not to judge based on that. But, I take their words as it must be safe. And, way to go being supportive parents across the world!

The kid then even specifies which flag they had in mind, just as I’m about to pay on an LGBTQ+ Inclusive Pride Flag. No, they need a Lesbian Flag. Ok, no problem, easy peasy.

I order and say, “Ok, should be there by Saturday” and common best of luck, send them some resources, and pleasantries. EXPECTING TO NEVER HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN. Possibly, a thank you later, tops. Really, though nothing would have been fine.

HA! Exact opposite.

Started with tiny questions on updates, no big, I write it off as excited kiddo without most knowledge of how to use the provided tracking link. Then the day of arrival a little more messages (ok, excitement, I get it). Then arrival time comes and goes, I haven’t received any texts and sure enough more IG messages.

“Can you please cancel it? And send it USPS?”

Wait. What? I’m confused. (Granted, I really want to support USPS right now, but that’s clearly not the intent.)

Turns out dad isn’t on board. Mom is doing her best, but they are worried about delivery and intercepting. GREAT. Oh, and did I mention the item is now in this lost/delay window!?? So here I am after midnight racking my brain on every possible thing I could do. Nothing on my Amazon end at this moment. Nothing. At this point, I am repeatedly asking at this point to talk to mom.

Finally, I get to! And here I am, apologizing again. Providing tracking, again. And realizing, crap! I should have just asked for mom in the first place.

Even as I am typing this I feel sick to my stomach and just so worried that I don’t know what life looks like on their end of this and there is nothing I can do but wait it out and pray. All this, for thinking, shoot $10 to make some kiddo happy, no big. Sigh.

Honestly, I donate that much and more to random GoFundMe’s in my feed. Even when I feel powerless in today’s climate I chose to whatever organization hoping the boost will offset whatever beyond my control.

***QUICK UPDATE***

Kiddo has received the package! All’s well that ends well… {FINGERS CROSSED}

Well, lesson learned.

And if you are asking what lesson is that? To stop helping? NOPE. Not even close! But, I will be coming up with a better system. Asking and truly getting a clear picture, so I can really do my best. Don’t get me wrong, I am still paying it forward in drive-thrus without blinking an eye. That action doesn’t require change, but now I may have learned to dive deeper.

This isn’t virtue signaling either, this is me trying to get you to also not to give up on being the good in this world! Just press a little more in. Or take it as it is, but hold your head up knowing you tried! We all have these weird bumps in the road. Bumps are a part of trying. You are trying! And that’s what matters and that’s the most we can do.

Let’s be real more times than not, those knee jerk intention actions workout. So, what if a few make us scratch our heads, at least we are trying! And that gives hope to the world.

In fact, I think I’m gonna do a Random Act, like Starbucks Giveaway soon! Make sure to keep an eye out on all Ello Felicia Social Media pages for that.

P.S. I might actually put a giveaway age requirement or require a parent sign off, ha. 😉