Not a great time to be disabled or born with a uterus. Needless to say, the Supreme Court’s decision to repeal Roe v Wade is hitting me hard and I know I’m not alone. Without going into the future laws they wish to take another look into, a.k.a. strip/repeal/remove. For the sake of this post, I am trying my best just focus on this topic at hand. But, lawrdy, my brain is so loud right now. My hands are shaking, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t kept my food in for over longer than an hour for over 3 days now. It’s been a blast!

When Politico broke the news back in May 2022 that it was looking like the Supreme Court would be repealing Roe v Wade my heart sank. At that time I didn’t even put myself into the picture. When I made my Instagram post I had some strange disconnected illusion that I was just fighting for others. I was envisioning the fight for all those with uteruses and not myself. I felt safe living in a blue state. Thought I was fine, I live in California, and my partner and I ”play it safe.”

And then it actually happened on June 24th, 2022, Roe v Wade was overturned. Ruled as not a constitutional right. Stripping away the rights of all with the unfortunate luck to have been born with a certain reproductive anatomy. Almost immediately we saw state by state what exactly the repercussions could be and how far the reach of this repeal has, both medically and privacy-wise. Setting us even further back than 1973! Because now all our actions and even periods are easily tracked. Cellphones, menstrual cycle trackers, recorded phone calls, and credit card tracking. Yup, “1984” meet 1973, meet 2022. What a fun time to be alive…(insert eye roll here).

This has a much further reach than just a few pregnancies this is our rights at the most basic level. This is our health at stake. This can be the line between life and death, especially for those of us in the disabled community.

Let me give you some back story. I know I’ve shared a touch about me being disabled, but I’m not sure I really shared the start of it all. We’re still unsure what caused my body to be suddenly done, was it the chicken or the egg or was I a walking time bomb? But when I became pregnant with the kiddo I had many many complications. Most can be boiled down to Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

Let’s just say there were many chats about my survival and that of medical professionals discussing if I should keep going further. I was stubborn and I did. The kid obviously came out great, but my health has never been the same. But like I said, we aren’t sure if this would have happened anyhow or if it is all the side effects of losing 30+ pounds while trying to create another human being.

Who knows? But what I did know is I never wanted to risk fate like that again. I’m not about to press my luck. And now, here I am freaking out about 14 years later that if something may happen and I’m in this situation, what are my options? Will I have options? Survive those options? Will I be in jail for things going sideways?

See here’s the thing, I do kind of say, “God has a plan. If I’m using preventatives and I still get pregnant God has a plan.” I say this but still shudder at the thought. But I know how quickly things can get dangerous. I’m also no stranger to miscarriage. Could I also be jailed for that?

Does this mean the dream of “van life” limits us to “Blue States” for my safety if something happens? How long will these states be able to hold on? Do I need to leave this country? (And yes, that is a very real thought, but with a lot of strings and not as easy as people make it seem.)

Some of you might be asking, “Well, why not get your tubes tied then?” Or, “Ask your partner to get snipped!” And once again I need to point out I AM DISABLED. Not every medical procedure or medication works right for me. Not to mention some states are already regulating some of the medications people have come to rely on. And in my specific case, I have been told a lot that there are too many risks and it’s not guaranteed to even work. As for my partner, it’s his body. His choice. Plus, not all of us are lucky enough to have medical insurance. I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to risk it when they don’t have medical help if something goes wrong. It’s really a scary place to be.

Already, we are feeling the weight of the Court’s decision and are well aware of who is already feeling the impact. Us in the minority categories. So we know, this really isn’t about being “pro-life” and this is working exactly how they hoped.

I am scared.

Really no decision or options feel “safe” right now. But me being me, I can’t handle feeling like things are out of my realm of control, so here’s a little post of resources and where to donate. Also, we are working on a fundraiser ourselves. Hopefully, we can sell some stickers and get some money into the right hands. But in the meantime, stay safe! Remember to protest, contact those lawmakers, and fight like hell, like someone you love’s life depends on it.