Not to sound cheesy, but the saying, “When you give up on love is when it finds you,” is seriously true. … Or, at least in my case.

Another anniversary just passed and it has me thinking and reflecting. And, suddenly remembered that I have been promising to tell Sean and I’s story. Oops.

As awful or laughable as this may sound, I was totally in my post-divorce “hoe phase.” Love was completely sworn off and almost a joke in my mind. I was just enjoying my life. Plus, let’s be totally honest, it’s not easy dating a single mom or dating as a single mom. Our schedules and priorities are not the easiest. So not being serious, or in need of anything was definitely the best for me.

The only reason I even dipped my toes into the dating pool was because of my kid. My kid had been very very pushy about getting me on “those love apps” (that’s what the kiddo was calling them), so eventually I had given in.

At first, it just worked as an ego boost, some chats, nothing more. After months I started having some free time so figured why not get a free meal? Make some friends? And I have to say, it worked! I even meet one of my best friends through the experience, it was really fun and great. And I was proud to say I almost went half a year on the apps before receiving an unsolicited dick pic! I felt like I must have been doing something right. (Though I remember being furious at that guy for ruining the record.) Dating apps are great if you really go in without anything in mind. People can be very entertaining, take that how you want. 😉

Well, time marches on and one day the ever sooooo pushy app, Coffee Meets Bagel is forcing yet another notification. That wonderfully annoying notification that I better message this match or they would be gone. So pushy. For the first time ever, I gave into the pushy, threw caution to the wind, and went for it.

I remember looking at this guy’s profile and swiping through his pictures wondering why he seemed so gosh darn familiar. I knew we never dated. Never chatted. Why does he look familiar? He does Jiu-Jitsu, has a chicken, and goes hiking, there’s no way we crossed paths. So with nothing clever to say, that was what I went with…”Hi there! Why do you look so familiar?” And quickly, I get the response, “Because we matched on a million other apps.” Oops.

Ha! Now I feel bad. Not to justify the “million other apps” comment, but that was apart of an app experiment I had started with friends about that point. …Don’t judge me. Lol!

But, why had I never messaged him before? He never made it to my top 3. Yes, I had a system…all I could balance at a time chatting/dating wise was 3. It just seemed to be the lucky number. And if you are wondering why I blame myself, well, Bumble being the first app I was ever on where the girls make the contact first deal, was embedded in my head. It actually was nice for dipping your toes in the dating app world. I did enjoy Bumble for that, though I know other’s hated it for that reason.

But, yes, he was right! We definitely did match. It all came back to me. Especially the hiking picture. Typically I ignored any profile with a gym, hiking, or fishing/hunting pic just a general rule. For some reason though I kept giving his profile a shot. Maybe Coffee Meets Bagel was smarter to hide the hike pic to last though?

With all that said, it did not take us any time or effort to strike up a connection. At least a texting, chatting connection. In no time, maybe a day or two, this guy, Sean took the leap and asked for a date! If you have spent any time on the apps, you know how rare that is. Some of these guys take forever! And surprisingly our scheduled days off matched up perfectly! Most of the time my schedule was chaos. Another thing that took me by surprise, he had a date in mind! It literally could not have been more me either. Meet at the beach (Ocean Beach) walk around, check out the Farmer’s Market, and get dinner.

It had to be the easiest yes ever!

And so we did. That Wednesday night in April we meet and had a great evening. And the evening turned to more and more dates.

All the while, I’m putting all my crazy out there! I never hid any of my mess. I was pretty upfront that I was still dating/talking to other guys. Heck, even my best friend that I had practically lived with was a guy. Sean remained totally chill, completely unbothered. I was impressed.

Eventually, we even snuck in a camping trip. My first trip to Joshua Tree! And wow, talk about not hiding my mess! Our first away trip together and there I am throwing up every bit of food he had made me! Half hanging out of the tent all night, and still, he remained! Maybe a little freaked out, but he still stuck by.

It’s one thing to tell people you are handicapped and have stomach issues, but it’s another to see it. Trial by fire, especially when on a trip or something special, and with no help around. On top of that, I was used to getting nothing but resentment and guilt for every sick moment in my previous life. Probably, needless to say, this was a shock for me. Compassion? What’s that? (Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but had you been there you would get it.)

Sean really was the sweetest! He would make up silly reasons to come see me. “Oh, I’m going to head up to see my parents, want coffee? I’m passing your way.” Like who’s gonna say no to coffee delivery? He was very cute with his excuses to be in my neighborhood. We totally did not live by each other. I also had very strict rules about anyone meeting my kid, so my free hours were very limited. But he never pushed.

One day, almost immediately after our trip I ran into an emergency. An emergency with my kid that he had yet to meet’s birthday party. And to be perfectly honest, I wanted to refuse his help for, but my best friend pushed. I caved and let him. It’s kind of a long story, but something in that moment just clicked, oh crap, I’m in love. In fact, a couple of days later, I accidentally said the L-word on the phone with that friend, and the kid happened to walk by, and they both quickly called me on it! Really, they are the worst.

So with that slip and a force from those two important people in my life, Sean and I got a date and a chat. Technically he said the L-word to me first though. Ha! And with that and the blessing of our very expensive therapist, the kid and the Sean finally got to meet and the rest was pretty much history. Those two were like instant peas in a pod.

With all his kindness and patients it eventually became clear as day, he was “my lobster” and damn, love was real. Like real, real! Heck, my kid even helped him with the proposal! It was definitely meant to be, as cheesy as that seems.

So it just goes to show you, when you least expect it, want it, that’s when love finds you. Or at least in my case.

I should also note a few Things I’m Thankful for (timing-wise)-

• I was completely legally divorced and knew that chapter was gone, gone, gone!
• I had therapy. Not just any therapy, but a therapist specifically called me out on why I felt like I didn’t “deserve love,” and he called my “too soon” out as complete bs with some great advice. I think it was really the last thing that had me hold myself back from even giving it a chance.
• Sooo hugely happy he came into my life in the right timeline. Time for us to be in a good space for lockdown. We had time under our belt, we already lived together, the ex-roommate moved out, and I was beyond thankful I couldn’t imagine being stuck at home day in and out with no one else.

Love comes in its own time. Be patient. Enjoy the phase you are in, there is a reason for it all and only in time is all revealed.

Ok, so I have to ask, would you give dating apps a shot? Have you? If you are with someone, how did you guys meet? I love hearing stories. Let me know in the comments below. Also, thanks for making it this far, I know this was a longer one. 💛