I can’t believe it’s already been a year! But with the new year, brings new resolutions, or in my case Resolution Accountability Time…

You may have caught my post from last year, “Self-Acceptance ~ My 2021 New Year’s Resolution.” If not go check it out now, don’t worry I’ll wait. 😉 If you did you are safe to wonder, “how is that New Year’s Resolution is going?” …Or maybe I’m just writing this for a little more like self-accountability? Either way, it’s been a year. Time to check in.

First, let’s be real, even for my basic goal of Self-Acceptance was never going to be a quick fix. Body positivity and self-acceptance/self-love/self-esteem, you name it, is never an overnight brain shift. Years of ads, diet culture, and negative self-talk take a toll! And take some serious time and work to unpack and do. And well, as long and painful the process of loving myself is, I’ve made steps. Baby-steps. Not even close to 100% “cured”. So no, “New Year, New Me” stuff, more like “New Year, Same Goal Building.”

Even if I can’t declare success, I’m happy to say there has been progress. Even every now and again I can post a completely filter-free picture in my permanent feed no-less! But ya, there is still always something I can nit-pick about myself.

One idea I came across recently was to mark a heart on all those spots I hate. Remind myself how I should love those scars and marks, they are just as important to my journey. I’m definitely going to give it a try.

Though there are bumps in the road, I did accomplish some things. One thing I did this year, purple hair…and a serious haircut! Cutting my hair was hard. I tend to appreciate my curtain of hair to create a shadow on my face. I feel like it’s easier to hide behind my hair for some reason, but I also get so insecure with it being too curled or out of place at times. Long hair was definitely like a body distraction for me, especially for photography’s sake. It’s like that old saying that short hair makes our faces look rounder is so embedded in my brain. But, I did it! I chopped my hair off and I’m currently embracing the short phase, for now.

Another thing I did over the year was take on AdoreMe as a brand partnership. It was probably one of the best decisions I had made. It really requires me to get in front of the camera, has deadlines, and I can’t make excuses about it. Even if I don’t feel “pretty” or “in the mood” …whatever the case may be.

These campaigns really forced me out of my comfort zone for sure. And no, I don’t mean this in “I got naked for the camera, I feel free….” way. Far-far from that! They actually have a lot of wardrobe options to model, some covered more or some less. No matter which outfit the key part was it still showed ME. No matter what I still had a part of me showing, and as you may have gathered from the original resolution post I really hate being in front of the camera! Funny thing is, I also dislike writing about myself too, but hey, I’m doing it.

I remember vividly the first shoot post-surgery and being sooo not in the mood. I had to have my cane nearby and lots of help. At one point I just said “eff it” and kept my cane as a prop, tired of trying to make sure it was out of the shot. My IV bruise was also in clear view. It was far from the “perfect picture” but in the end, it might be the one I am most proud of. There I was lumps, bumps, and disabilities all on full display.

The great thing about working with AdoreMe is all their encouragement. Lots of encouragement to be ourselves and show our flaws. Embrace who we are. Love seeing their models with skin folds and wrinkles. Other creators of all kinds of shapes, sizes, colors, it’s been truly encouraging. I’m thankful for their help and push. I swear it’s like I’ve used their campaigns as like a growth chart.

I also now totally do see the appeal of doing a boudoir shoot to push yourself too. You may feel self-conscious and find things you hate, but it also shows you things to love. Or should love. You see the pretty bits that the photographer is seeing. You get to see yourself through another’s lens. Sometimes we need that. And sadly, it’s way too easy for us to discount the compliments from our partners, family, and friends, so sometimes that outside view is just what’s needed.

So, as for this year and the resolution accountability, I’m going to keep pushing. I’m happy I had growth, but next year I am going to challenge myself for better. Don’t be surprised if I actually start taking my social media coach’s advice and actually show up in video, Reels, Tiktoks, or dare I say Lives. 😮

I still have such a hard time, but it’s ok. Baby steps.

Thanks to a friend I got to see this post by Ashlee Bennett (@bodyimage_therapist). I needed to read this for sure.

Also, if you come across any other self-acceptance/body-positive accounts or books feel free to send them my way! Comments below and my IG dm’s are always open!